The quick version is that God gets all the glory. No one but Him put this relationship together and I am super thankful.
Truth be told, over the years, I’ve had random moments of anxiety about being a wife. It wasn’t a constant nagging fear but there were certainly some defining moments. All the thoughts of was I ready, was I willing to give up my sense of independence and “go as I please” freedom, was I ready to put someone else FIRST, was I ready to be self-less and compromise to the highest degree? Was I going to make a good wife? Would I make him happy enough? Was I too opinionated, too set in my ways, too emotional at times? Would either of us have regrets? Would I feel suffocated to settle down and potentially travel less since traveling is so important to me?
On the flip side, I also had emotions of thinking/praying that marriage would be far greater of a positive adventure than I could have ever imagined and it would turn out to be exactly what we needed and most importantly WANTED. The vacillating thoughts were sometimes endless. But thankfully by the grace of God, even though I knew the ups and downs of any relationship would be inevitable, I believed in myself enough to be a great wife and in my partner enough to be a great husband to want to one day have that type of union with HIM.
It certainly WAS NOT perfect as we are imperfect people but we always made our relationship a conscious PRIORITY to be loving, healthy and filled with compromise even when it wasn't easy or convenient. We never crudely demeaned each other, rudely hung up the phone or spitefully broke promises. It was work but we felt the other person was worth the effort.
Our relationship wasn’t the conventional “worldly” outlay. We often got questions from friends on how could we refrain from this and not do that as it related to our pre-marriage do’s and don’ts. Yep, I was that woman that strongly believed so much so in my value, MY WORTH & my desire for true intimacy that I wasn’t willing to allow a man to just run in and out of my life and steal away little parts of me. Cause let’s face it – most men or women we “entertain” never turn out to be the FINAL “stick-to-it” partner. So I was selective and firm in my desires, in how I was treated and I would like to think he was as well to a degree.
So when I met my partner, my now Fiancé ( yeahhhhh you got to this part, yes I got engaged on Saturday 11/24/18), on date 1, I revealed (totally unplanned, he actually asked me) my thoughts/restrictions on physical intimacy in a relationship as I believed strongly in certain Biblical principles. When those words of my "not happenings" came out my mouth ***he said something to the effect of "cool.. I’ve prayed for a woman like you."*** Men often say what they want to say to keep you interested so the true test of whether or not I scared him off with my honest answer was when he called me a few days later. He didn’t flee after all.
7 Years later, the number of completion according to the Bible, we have grown together, loved together and cried together…well truthfully I’m the one that did all the crying…I’m a sap lol…I’m sure he had some internal cries as well but he was always the stronger support system. Together, we got through him going to law school, taking the bar, me building my modeling career and all that happened in-between. We had timelines but they always seemed to be a bit off from what God allowed so eventually we had to learn to surrender. For us, God was the center. NOT others’ opinions because others often thought our timeline for marriage, for intimacy were all crazy. We committed to a higher power and had goals and vision for OUR future TOGETHER. My Mr.'s plans were always CLEARLY OUTLINED and included me as part of the future.
So, when I was often vague in my responses to the questions of “when are you getting married”, “why are you STILL not engaged/married” etc. etc. I sat back and did our thing in silence as I knew what OUR plan was. It wasn’t always easy to wait this long but it was life. And the wait as we knew it wasn't for everyone to know or to even understand.
To my ladies, notice that I said before that I was firm. I had my non-negotiable's in a relationship and so did my Mr. - granted I had more than he did lol but as a woman we have to protect our emotions and our worth. Desires to compromise - because we are human and love causes you to sometimes melt - also came with the ability to choose. We tried our best to choose to stick to the end goal. Choosing what we thought pleased God included 7 years of living in separate homes even though we lived 5 minutes apart (literally) and sharing a roof will only happen after our marriage is official.
We aren’t the perfect couple by any means but we both prayed specifically for each other before we ever met. I almost cried when **he told me years later how he was praying for me** years before we met. So my continued prayer is that we remain “perfect” for each other.
My prayer for both men and women alike is that we ALL realize our true worth and our true value. Yes, you deserve to be happy and valued. Yes, you deserve for God to send you your wife or your husband should that be in HIS plan. In the mean time, the signals you send out, the way you choose to live your life, the way you allow others to treat you, the things you say about your do’s & don’ts in a relationship yet fail to stick to once sweet nothings get whispered in your ear, all will determine whether the end result is the ideal outcome for you.
Expect greatness from yourself and your partner. Expect greater respect and greater communication. A healthy Godly relationship is possible. Even if you become a little pliable for the sake of compromise, don’t compromise WHO you are. Find a partner that loves you as is and respects your worth enough to not want you to be someone else but respects you enough that they just want you to be the better version of you.
Thank you babe for loving me for me and for 7 years of us not rushing what others wanted, not getting ahead of even our own fleshly desires - but getting to this stage as was God’s perfect timing. So even when we get on each other’s nerves, you are my perfect, imperfect.
To family and Friends - Thank you for all the love and support and your commitment to seeing us through. Thank you for your patience and for trusting our timing without the pressure to “get married already”. And along those lines, questions of “when are you having a baby” would be great if they were refrained from also lol.
Finally, I’ll go ahead and put it out there now – while we would love to invite our entire tribe – I have hundreds of ya’ll especially as a result of my career and church affiliation. Please know that we love you truly but understand and love us anyway if you find yourself without a wedding invite. It is not personal – it is simply a matter of budget as we don’t believe in having any debt as a result of the wedding. If you wish to start a Go Fund Me for the wedding or send a check to secure your invite, feel free. Jaja. Just kidding.
Also, we do not have a wedding date set as of yet. Life has been hectic. We will get to that part soon enough.
Peace & love,
Kamla-Kay...and my future husband.
Thank you for reading and being part of the journey.
P.S I’m hungry –#OurHighestMonthlyBillInMarriageWillBeForGroceries